


devilish comfort

by mochiiface



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Fic!, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, POV Second Person, Pining, Slow Burn, Soft Mammon, Soft Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Swearing, Sweet boy, bro i just want to love and support mammon ..., i'm tired of all the brothers insulting him so here is my self-indulgent take, kind of :o, let MC say fuck, lots of smooching, mild spoilers for ch.16, reader is mc, you and mammon are Baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26955787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochiiface/pseuds/mochiiface
Summary: The brothers' constant insults weigh heavy on Mammon, causing him to feel even more inadequate and undeserving of confessing his feelings to you. It's up to you to let him know just how much he means to you, and dispel that pesky fear of his.--tl;dr i'm in love with mammon and want to give him all the love and affection in the world. it's what he deserves <3 idiots in love pining for one another coming right up!
Relationships: Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 62
Kudos: 292





	1. thinking about you, aching for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly just love mammon SO much? this man lives rent free in my head and i just want to give him a kiss

The House of Lamentation beckons you forward like an old friend, urging you to come out of the bone-aching chill of the Devildom and into the warmth of its familiar embrace - however, you stay put outside the metal, gothic doors. You needed time to breathe - time to think. 

You pull your jacket around yourself tighter, snuggle into the warm cashmere of the scarf Asmo insisted on buying you ( _ “You deserve the lap of luxury my dear! Now will you stop your fretting? It gives you wrinkles, you know.” _ ) lost in thought, with your eyes following the horizon of the ever-dusky sky and the sharply jutting, spindly treetops. The little keychain Mammon bought for you back in the human world jingles on your bag - a time that feels so long ago but still somehow within reach - rustled by the nipping wind, coincidentally reminding you of just who occupies every single crevice of your mind.

Your relationship with said white haired demon is something both unnamed yet intimately known. The deep love and care you feel for him settles in the warmest, most tender part of your heart, coiling around your very being like a vice. Feelings that have been left unsaid, a confession that always hangs on the tip of your tongue but refuses to be unleashed. 

You want to tell him, you really do. You want to breathe it into his every cell, pepper your adoration all over his soft face, seal your confession with a kiss… but the truth is that you’re  _ scared _ . Does he feel the same way? You know he cares about you, it’s written in his actions. How he’s the only brother who has never hurt you, how his eyes search for you whenever he enters a room, the little gifts and trinkets he picks up for you because they reminded him of you, the flush that spreads along his beautiful face whenever you inch closer to him during TSL marathons, how he finds you in the middle of the night after a nightmare, the way he rushes to protect you at any given moment even under the guise of complaining reluctance, how he always finds an excuse to spend time with you, his closeness and fleeting touches… 

But he never truly says it out loud, outright and directly. So, how are you to know? You’re left grasping at straws, always guessing and wondering if he feels the same as you, second-guessing every one of his actions as perhaps just being friendly. You wonder if he acts the same way with the witches, with the other demons in the Devildom, surely he wouldn’t be doing all of this for a “stupid human”? Are you being too affectionate, too  _ pushy _ _?_ Is there anything deeper to his actions than simply obligation? By Diavolo, you  _ want _ there to be. You want it  _ so _ badly. But you’re  _ scared _ . Scared, scared, scared. Why are you so scared? You yearn for him every moment of the day, but why can’t you act on it? The fear of rejection and heartache pangs at the essence of your very being. Sometimes you just want the words to tumble out, not caring about the consequences. But your mind is your biggest enemy, in a constant quarrel with your heart.

You take a deep breath of the cool air around you, willing it to calm your thoughts and the pounding of your heart. Begging it to bring you some sense of clarity, motivation to act. Shoulders sagging, eyes heavy, head and heart feeling fuzzy and warm, you push open the doors to your home and take a soft step in.

\--

Unbeknownst to you, Mammon feels the same exact debilitating fear that you do. Pacing around his room (which you’ve dubbed as  _ “Incredibly ridiculous… but very cute and somehow still very you. Is that a goddamn car?!” _ The memory fills his heart with warmth), he ponders on what exactly he is to do. Should he confess his feelings? What if you don’t feel the same? He  _ knows _ you feel  _ something _ for him, but what if you treat all of his brothers like that? What if he’s not special? What if what the two of you had meant nothing?  _ Did  _ you even have something? He wants to touch you, kiss at every part of you, clutch you to him and tell you everything he feels for you, weaving his heart together with yours. You’re so  _ nice _ to him, so sweet and caring. He has never been treated with such kindness, always insulted and taken advantage of. Does he even  _ deserve _ you?

“Agh, stupid human! Stupid brain!  _ Why  _ can’t I be strong enough? To just… say somethin’ to you. A-And stop bein’ so damn afraid! I’m the Great Mammon for cryin’ out loud…” He grumbles, the place between his brows furrowing, his mouth turning down, and his eyes becoming suspiciously glossy, frustrated and overwhelmed tears threatening to fall down his soft face. 

It doesn’t help that his brothers tease him about it, tease him about what he feels for  _ you _ , albeit being a bit more mean than they should be, constantly calling him unworthy of being your first pact, reminding him of his greedy and scummy nature, labelling him as being too much of an idiot to ever be deserving of you. These thoughts cloud his mind on a daily basis, adding to his fear, to his constantly wavering confidence. Sometimes he can brush them off, put on a mask to cover the pangs of pain the words bring him, instead masking the hurt under a bravado of forced confidence... but on a dark, gloomy day like today, those thoughts weigh heavy on him, filling him with the nipping cold that rages past his window, clouding his mind with their insidiousness and breaking him down bit by bit. 

He gulps, fists clenching and unclenching, refusing to let his tears spill, and wills his brain to think of  _ you _ . You with your softness, your smiles that feel as though they’re reserved for him only. Your gentle nature and constant support, even during his wildest schemes and get-rich-quick ploys. Your patience when helping him with his overdue assignments, the class material that he can't understand no matter how hard he tries. The way you gently smile at him, helping him study and motivate him to finish his work nonetheless. The way your thighs touch when you sit beside him during study sessions, movie nights, dinner meals. The curve of your face, the warmth of your hands, your voice. The lips he desperately wants to kiss, the fingers he desperately wants to hold. He can’t think of a world without you, at this point. He tries not to think about how he wailed and clutched you close to him when  _ it _ happened. Ever since that day, he renewed his vow of keeping you safe, keeping you happy and protected. You deserve all the goodness the world has to offer, he decides, and if you asked for the sun he  _ knows _ he would fly up all the way to the heavens and bring it down to you, to illuminate the ever-present darkness of the Devildom. He would rebel a thousand more times, if it meant he could see your smile, your happiness. You fill him with the peace he hasn’t felt in a long time, of a purity he hasn’t felt since his days of being an angel in the Celestial Realm. But why is he still so goddamn  _ scared _ ? 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay end of the first chapter!! thank you so much for reading <3 kudos and comments are much appreciated and i love u all very much !!!
> 
> this is the first fic i've ever posted on this site so i'm kind of nervous! hope i've set the scene well so far... a buncha mutual pining over here folks !! but shh don't worry !! it'll be resolved soon <3 let me know if you're enjoying it :'-)
> 
> BRO i just love him so much and it makes me real sad when he gets picked on by his bros, so this is the incredibly self-indulgent result of me being like "this man deserves neverending LOVE and KINDESS" :o im just so soft 4 him ...
> 
> i actually had a really fun time writing from both MC's and Mammon's POVs because i think it really helps get inside the characters minds, especially when theyre both literally head over heels in love with each other !! i think that this chapter will be the only one i explicitly do this though. speaking of explicit c-; not sure if this work will have some type of eventual smut, mainly because i've never written smut before and i'm kinda nervous it'll turn out shit lol but also because i'm just not sure if it'll really fit the atmosphere ! anyways, i'll think about it definitely.
> 
> excited to continue this !! if you like my work, consider [buying me a coffee! i'm hoping on starting commissions soon as well :"-)](https://ko-fi.com/mochiiface) thank you so much <33


	2. breaking point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reader goes apeshit <3

You already know the weekly movie night was going to be a rowdy affair before you even reach the gaudy living room, with the brothers’ loud hollers and yells reaching _you_ before you even reach _them_. 

As soon as you walk in, Mammon dashes for you like a madman, surprising you with a quick shout of, “Oi, human! Sit beside me tonight, will ya?! These weirdos want you all to themselves, and they’re callin’ _me_ the greedy one!” His words are immediately met with the brothers' loud protests and objections, causing you to look up at him with a small smile, appeasing him regardless. In an instant, you hook your arm around his, pulling him down to sit next to you on the devilishly soft, fluffy cushions laid out on the floor, grabbing a warm blanket and preparing to drape it over the both of your laps, missing the way Mammon flushes a scarlet red at how your arm is still wrapped around his bicep. 

Levi peeks up from his handheld console, “LOLOL really Mammon? You really are desperate. Clingy, much? Did you ask her if she even _wants_ to sit with you? I can’t believe you’re pulling this stuff _again_ right before we’re getting ready to watch _Help! I Got Dragged Into the Ocean by a Creepy but Kind of Cute? Siren After Trying to Out-Sing Her by the Docks and Now I Have to Prove My Worth in an Underwater Karaoke to the Death!_ SMH, really kills the mood, you know.”

“Of course she wants to sit with me! I gotta protect her from these blood-thirsty demons, and maybe the angel and other human are plottin’ somethin’ too! And I _especially_ gotta protect her from all of you! Ya seem to forget that she’s a _human_ in the Devildom, ya never know what lurks around here, wanting to eat her up!” He exclaims, as if it was the clearest thing in the world.

“You really _are_ a moron, Mammon. It seems to me that the only thing that wants to ‘eat her up’ as you so eloquently put it, is _you_ ,” Satan sneers, “Am I right? And pick your jaw up off the floor, you’ll catch flies, brother dear.” A pause, wherein you can physically feel Mammon trembling beside you as your brow furrows in anger, and then, “Hmm… As much as I hate the bastard, maybe I should tell Lucifer to string you up from the ceiling again, maybe that will finally knock some sense and intelligence into you...” And you can almost _feel_ the sheer panic emanating from Mammon at this suggestion, no doubt triggering unsavoury memories from past ordeals regarding that particular punishment.

Setting up the television with the anime Levi picked out, Lucifer chuckles and smirks at Satan’s suggestion, seemingly mulling it over and giving it thought, which only adds to Mammon’s panic. “That’s not a bad idea, really… Such a shame I’ve got to join Diavolo and Barbados for a meeting later this evening, else I would’ve strung him up for his neverending foolishness right this instant.” 

“My, my Mammon, you’re simply more idiotic than usual today. I pity that poor human who has to sit through your scummy babbling… what a shame. Why don’t you come sit over here, cutie? I doubt my idiot brother can give you what you _really_ want.” Asmo quips, looking at himself in a bejewelled compact mirror before snapping it shut and fixing a look of pure disdain at Mammon.

“Can we eat now?” Grumbles Beel, not even waiting for an answer before digging into the contents piled upon the coffee table in front of him, munching on handfuls of popcorn and Devildom candies, not paying any attention to the tense atmosphere around him. Belphie gives out a sleepy groan, telling everyone to be quiet as he shoves his face in his pillow, snuggling into the couch, and wills the scene before him away.

The white haired demon sits shaking and tense beside you, not replying to the jabs his brothers throw them, which have seemingly become more and more ruthless and frequent as the days went on. You hear him gulp, his breathing pick up, and a meek retort of, “U-Uh… Um. Y-Ya guys don’t even know what you’re talkin’ about!” Rushed out, without any real sort of conviction and with a false sense of bravado, clearly just a meaningless sentence to fend off his brothers’ attacks. _Pathetic_ , he thinks to himself. _How fuckin’ useless._

Your heart shatters bit by bit at his dejected tone, at his crumbling body language and the pain you _know_ he feels, but is trying so desperately to conceal. You surprise him by sliding a hand into his, tangling your fingers together and grasping it tightly and warmly, squeezing three times as if to affirm that it’s okay, that he’s okay. To bring him back to the present instead of whatever hellscape he’s found himself in within his own mind, no doubt his brain swirling with the unkind jabs that have been thrown at him for the better part of the century. With your touch you hope to remind him that you’re here for him. That you love him. 

As the snickering, unyielding mockery and blatant ridicule around you grows, so does your anger, melting together with the ferocious need and desire to protect Mammon, to keep him safe from the insults he does not deserve. “ _Stop_ .” You reach your breaking point, let out a quiet but feral, “ _Stop_ it. Fucking stop it!” 

All at once, the blanket you were once reaching for is thrown across the room, long forgotten. Silence befalls the demons around you, all staring at you with their mouths agape. Even Belphie has woken up from his catnap, blinking incredulously, not expecting you to react in such a way. 

“I-I don’t understand what exactly it is that you guys think makes it okay to constantly attack Mammon for simply _existing_ but it’s _not_ . It’s not fucking okay! It’s _not_ !” You seethe, willing yourself to go on and hold back the hot, wet tears forming rapidly, clutching his hand in a vice. “Threatening him with intense physical violence,” you glare at Satan, who immediately frowns guiltily, looking down towards his lap, “and actually _acting out_ those violent ‘punishments’ that he doesn’t even fucking _deserve_ ,” you snarl at Lucifer, who is for once rendered speechless, “when he tries so hard to be a good big brother and fucking _friend_ to you all is so goddamn _mean_ and unnecessary and wicked!”

In your anger, you miss the way Mammon looks at you in astonishment, as if worshipping your very being. You miss the tears in his eyes, the way his heart pounds in love and gratitude, in the surprise written on his face from the fact that somebody stood up for him. That somebody _cares_ enough to do so. That somebody doesn’t see him as scum. That that somebody is _you._

"I _want_ to sit with him, I _like_ being around him! I like his jokes and his stories and what he has to say!" You direct at Levi now, answering his initial complaint of how he thinks it's an impossibility that you'd ever want to be near his brother. At once, Levi's face falls, flushing in embarrassment and remorse. You love the brothers, you love your friends, and you don't _want_ to be screaming at a bunch of demons that can, and _have_ done so before, murder you in an instant, like a banshee, but... It's just not _fair._ Mammon doesn't deserve to be treated like this by his brothers. He _doesn't_. Your eyes finally let the hot tears you've been holding back loose, voice cracking and raising all at once, "He cares about all of us so much, why can't you all even see that? Why can't you even _appreciate_ that?" 

“Singling him out for acting on the urges of his sin? Of his avatar? _Why_ the _fuck_ do you all _do_ that? You _all_ act upon the damn desires and wants of your sins without _any_ type of punishment or any type of intense ridicule and _shame_ like you do to him! It’s one thing to poke fun in some type of a lighthearted manner, but what you guys do is fucking _mean_ . Don’t you understand that? Don’t you care? It’s not fucking _fair_ and it’s not his _fault_ ! You guys don’t even see the pain you cause your own _brother_ . He doesn’t deserve any of this shit, of any of the fucked up things you say and do to him. And I don’t want him to hear it anymore. I _don’t_.” With that, you lift him up with your joined hands and storm out of the room, missing the way the brothers all look at each other in a panic.

“Uh… I’ve never seen her that angry.” Satan mutters. "Do you think we... overdid it?"

  
“And I’ve never seen Mammon _that_ quiet.” Asmo quietly states. “I hate to say this, you know, but… I really do think we overdid it this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this house we are standing up 4 mammon ! also @ game developers: let MC say fuck im begging u its TIME
> 
> i really love all the brothers with my whole entire heart, but i feel like they're just so mean to mammon for no reason and it's just him who has to take the entire brunt of those jabs. i know it's passed off as just a sibling thing/quarrel, but a lot of the things they say and DO to him is just straight up vicious imo, and i feel like it really does get to him and weighs him down after hearing it for so long. it's also frustrating because they make fun of him for acting on the urges of his sin, which all of them do but none are mocked so deeply as mammon is for it. anyways i snapped <3 lol and kind of wrote what my reaction would be during all of that :o
> 
> also i had a really fun time coming up with the title for the anime they're watching lmao i find it so ridiculously hilarious how long and crazy those titles are !! it's a really unique aspect of the game/storyline i think :0
> 
> next up is COMFORT HOURS !!!!!! can't have hurt without some comfort folks! it's going 2 be soft :'-)
> 
> if you like my work, you can give me a tip to support me or commission me on my [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/mochiiface)! [here are my rules for commissions!](https://ko-fi.com/post/COMMISSION-INFORMATION-R6R72EFRU) i would love to take your requests and write for you <3 the rules are posted on my page, and you are more than welcome to message me about your requests !! 
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are always appreciated!! thank you so much again for reading my little fic, i'm so excited to post more. lots of love always :"-)


	3. hold me close, darling dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> our sweet boy gets the comfort n luv he deserves <3

Your mind was in a livid haze, storming out of the living room hastily and bounding up the stairs with Mammon in tow.

Only with the harsh slam of your bedroom door closing were you able to wake up completely from your rage-filled stupor, breaths coming out in quick pants, brows furrowed, still clutching onto Mammon’s hand like a lifeline, eyes wet as they blearily focused on said demon in front of you.

He didn’t look to be faring much better himself, his eyes were _sad_ and pained, glossy much like yours, looking at you hesitantly, as if he was afraid of you seeing him at his most vulnerable moments, as if he feared your rejection, your ridicule.

His posture was slouched, uncertain, which hurt you the most. Something about seeing the normally boisterous and over-confident Great Mammon reduced to a person so hurt and beaten down who does everything in his power to curl in on himself, seeking to become invisible to the world that constantly hurts him, is absolutely heartbreaking.

As you gazed at his broken form, you vowed to do everything in your power to fix this, to support him, to give him all the love he needs to feel okay again. Your gaze softens, you become _determined._

You raise your hand slowly to gently cup the side of his face, not noticing how his lips softly wobble at the touch, tenderly rubbing your thumb in circles against his cheek, trying to soothe, to assure him that he's here and you're here for him, that he is loved, that he's okay.

And at the contact, it seems as though the carefully constructed walls that he's been trying to build, the façade of being "fine" and "okay" when the reality is much more heart-wrenching, breaks, and Mammon collapses, both literally and figurately, lurching into you whilst sliding down onto the floor, heavy sobs shaking his entire form.

Your arms wrap around him immediately, body soft and warm and heaving against yours, twisting and running your fingers gently through his soft white locks, rubbing his back soothingly, pressing soft kisses into his hair, cooing soft words and hums - all whilst the dam within you breaks as well, tear-stains marring your cheeks, hands trembling, heart breaking for the sweet boy in front of you, the boy who deserved kindness but only got pain.

"I-I ... I'm so _sorry,_ " Mammon sobs, burrowing his wet face further into your neck as you hold him closer, "'m so sorry that you're seein' me like this. They're right, MC, everythin' they say 'bout me is true, okay? I'm pathetic and 'm scummy, and I-I don't deserve to have ya here with me right now, I don't deserve ya at _all_ , ya deserve so much better, way better than _me -_ "

The tears are hot and burning as they roll down his cheeks in fat droplets, he pulls away from his previous place against your neck then, and the look on his face makes you want to burst into tears yourself, the pain in his eyes, his gaze shy and scared, like a stray kitten caught in a destructive storm, skittish and terrified, just wanting to be alright, just wanting to feel warmth of love instead of constant cruelty. 

He moves to pull away from your body completely, seemingly to run far away from the tender comfort of your embrace, of the coziness and familiarity of your room, even though it's the farthest of what he _wants_ to do, but he's certain that you'll reject him, that he needs to leave before he's sent away by force, that you'll believe what's said about him by his brothers, he's always scared, scared, _scared_ , and it _hurts_ and he doesn't _want_ to be anymore.

You clutch onto his hands before he gets the chance to leave, pulling them close to you and pressing adoring kisses to the tips of his fingers, to the center of his palms, looking up at him with teary eyes, bloodshot from crying, and you pull him to you, wrap him up and hold him _close_.

"Mammon," your voice is raw, hoarse from sobbing alongside him, from yelling at his brothers for the centuries-old pain they've caused him, from the sheer amount of love you feel for him, for how much you want to keep him happy and _safe_ , "it's not your fault, okay? It has _never_ been your fault. You don't deserve the hurt, the pain, how they treat you and what they say to you. I don't _care_ if they're your brothers, it still _hurts_ and you don't deserve to be picked on like that, to constantly be treated that way. _None_ of it is your fault."

At hearing this, his eyes well up once again with unshed tears, and he brings his hands - still clutched in your grasp - forwards to brush away your tears, feeling _shy_ , feeling a warmth settle into the center of his being and expand to encompass his entire body, and he quietly realizes that the feeling is _love_.

"You're not scummy, you're not an idiot, you're not dumb. You're greedy because you're the Avatar of it, the same way your brothers' behaviors are based on theirs, and it's not fair that only _you_ get mocked and made fun of and _shamed_ for just - being who you _are_. By your brothers, by the witches, by _whoever._ Mammon, you are so _kind_ ," You take a deep, shuddering breath, moving closer to him, closer closer closer, until you're able to peck his nose lightly, playfully, "you always help me out, even when I'm being annoying," at this he sputters and rushes to tell you you're never annoying, that he _likes_ helping you, making you tearfully smile, "and you help your brothers, you always rush to protect them, to protect _me_. You always check up on me and stay with me whenever I'm feeling sad, and you make my days so much brighter and happier, without you they feel real dark and blue, you know?"

You take advantage of the lull to press more kisses onto his face, leaning down to kiss away the tears on his warm cheeks, pressing saccharine pecks onto his eyelids and brows, his chin, his forehead, tender and sweet, your voice calls out to him, bring him out of the darkness of his own mind, "Your greed manifests when you want to be the first person to help me out with my RAD homework, when you sit with me and go through everything no matter how frustrated I get. It manifests when you get Levi the latest anime figurine he's wanted, Asmo the latest beauty product he's obsessed with, surprising Beel his favorite food, just doing everything you can to make them as happy as possible. It manifests when you pick up extra shifts at Hell's Kitchen just so you could treat me to ice cream at Madam Scream whenever I don't feel good, when you remind me constantly that you're my first man, when you're the first one out of all your brothers to come to my room when I get nightmares, doing whatever you can to calm me down. You're the farthest thing from scummy, Mammon. You're so _important_ to me, and I just - I just want to protect you and keep you safe from it, from whatever makes you sad and hurts you, and I'm so sorry that you've had to endure the weight of the pain you carry for so _long_. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

Your voice lessens to a soft hush, growing bashful, scared that you might've said too much, might've crossed a boundary or line. His eyes are tender and glossy as they look at you, full of adoration and love, the feeling of awe creeping along his features. The carpet is soft under the two of you, the little twinkling fairy lights in your room casting the two of you in a gentle, hazy glow, and it almost feels as though you're cocooned in your own little world, you and him, sharing warmth and love between you. 

His cheeks are cutely flushed, face growing warm and shy at your words, and truthfully, all he wants to do is gather you into his arms and _kiss_ you until he can't breathe, until he feels like he's _floating_ , until he can show you how much he loves you, how much you mean to him, how his life finally gained _meaning_ when his human came into it.

His hands tremble, and he feels both fragile and in control when he brings them towards your face, cupping it softly in his warm palms, nose touching yours. His voice is hoarse, soft and sweet as he breathes out your name with devotion, adoration, cheeks pink and breath coming out in soft, hot pants over your lips, leaning close as he whispers to you, tenderly, gently,

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma be real with y'all ... i havent been feeling the best mentally lately. been feeling really bad honestly TT o TT
> 
> my depression has kind of um steel toe kicked me in the face <3 and its debilitating. plus insomnia has got an iron tight hold on me and is making things worse, plus college and work and the ever-present overwhelming weight of just being a human being in the world today has kind of all resulted in an amalgamation of shit :3 but im trying to stay alright
> 
> gonna be honest, writing this felt really therapeutic and made me feel warm and safe, when in reality i just feel tired, sad, anxious, and lost. it felt really nice to just forget about things for a while and write some comfort and warmth. i just rlly love this sweet boy so much, he deserves 2 be safe and happy, and honestly? i feel like he gives the best hugs, hands down. rlly wish he could give me a hug (；′⌒`) mammon pls ... gimme kiss ...
> 
> anyways! sorry for all that lmao aaaa i think next chapter might be the last chapter and it will most probably be smut! i'm not sure if that's how i wanna pace it thoo but i am Thinking that it will b like that c:
> 
> as always, thank u sm for reading !!! comments n kudos are always appreciated and i love you <3


	4. my dream, my everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :"-) Love! it's love folks!

_“I love you.”_

The words feel ethereal, otherworldly in the way he says them, breathing them out, hushed and in awe, eyes crystalline as they sparkle with a soft fondness, teary and _blue_ as they regard you, so blue you feel like the sky is peering up at you, filling you up with an emotion that makes you _ache_. 

The air that surrounds you is like something unexplained, and as it so often is when you’re with him, the outside world begins to fade away. The yells of the brothers, the pattering of rain against the window, the entirety of reality that exists just beyond the bedroom door. All of that seems to vanish as he holds you, calloused hands cupping your face, peering into you. 

It feels as though you are both floating in a dimension constructed by the two of you _for_ the two of you, where things are soft and slow, painless and light - where the love for one another that overflows within your hearts is finally able to pour out, unabashed and blushing.

Your eyes widen at the weight of his confession, insides turning warm, syrupy and saccharin as your face floods with heat as the realization hits you. He _loves_ you.

The intensity of his gaze consumes you, turning shy as you raise your own hands up to stroke along the slopes of his face. 

Thumbs rub the apples of his cheeks, soon brought upwards to smooth over the furrow of his brow with the soft pads of your fingers, as his eyes close. His defenses are down, and he realizes with a thundering pound of his heartbeat that throughout the seemingly endless centuries of his existence, he was only able to be vulnerable with _you_. 

Everyone else ran, far away as they realized the heaviness of his pain, the depth of his scars. Once his carefully manicured mask of confidence fell and revealed the _true_ Mammon, with all the damage, he found himself alone. Everyone left but _you._

His throat bobs as he swallows dryly, wincing at the pain, willing himself not to cry at the memories, willing himself to fill his being with the warmth of the memories made with you instead, of the promise of _more_ soft memories being made with you. He realizes then, in a way, that your love for him was expressed in every action, in every gaze and soft turn of your lips when you smiled at him, the way you rushed to protect and defend him in any way you could, for him there was only _love_.

\--

You covering for him after Lucifer discovered one of his get-rich-quick schemes, carding your fingers through his and pulling him out the door and into the night, raindrops soaking the two of you and the howling wind carrying your laughter into the air, his heart thundering inside his ribcage at the feel of your hand in his.

The double steaming mugs of hot chocolate you enthusiastically presented to him in an effort to calm him down after a bad nightmare, the delicious drink topped with whipped cream and sweet cherries, but nothing was as sweet as you - head resting on his shoulder that night, right at the crook of his neck as you rubbed his back, soothed everywhere you could reach as he cried into you, begging you not to leave him alone.

He feels as though the memory of your beaming smile is seared into his memory forever, endlessly playing underneath his eyelids, reminiscing about the time you agreed to go on a picnic with him in the Human Word, your impromptu outing being interrupted by heavy rain, soaking you both and _convincing_ him that one of his brothers probably put a curse on him. Your tinkling laughter at the downpour and the warming of his cheeks as he swaddled you in his jacket, shielding you from the cold, willing his face to stop _burning_ as you snuggled deeper into his jacket, softly telling him that you feel safe and sound when he’s near.

Holding you on your bad nights, when the world feels too overwhelming and wrong, and tears come down like salty tracks over your heated cheeks, face burrowed into his neck as you grasp at him for purchase, his room becoming as safe as a space as yours was to his, simply because it was _his_ , and you’re surrounded by him. His touch, scent, presence. Your spirits lift at every stroke of his fingers over your back and the hushed tone of the half-assed jokes he cracks just to get you to laugh between sobs, and his kindness makes your heart ache. Exhausted from the weight of the world, you murmur to him that he feels like home, and, surrounded by _you_ he wants to tell you that you’re his home, too. 

Why was it so hard for him to understand? That he deserved love, to be _loved_ truly and purely? Why did he run away?

\--

You breathe out his name gently, a tender caress that turns his cheeks pink and warm, and he finds himself melting, awoken from his stupor and cracking his eyes open to see you smiling up at him easily, gaze twinkling in adoration as you suddenly bring yourself towards him to press noisy kisses at his cheeks, the silly action beckoning laughter to spill from his lips, his cute giggles making you laugh in turn, heart feeling lighter now that you know he’s no longer crying, now that you know his tears are replaced by a beaming grin - opening up to you like a sunflower turning to finally face the sun.

Arms reaching to wrap around his neck, you pull him close to you as you place soft kisses atop his eyelids, smiling triumphantly when you see the red flush that floods his golden skin, moving to press even more kisses on those burning cheeks as he tries to hide his face in the crook of your neck, turning bashful and embarrassed, and most of all _adorable_.

The carpet is soft under the two of you, and somehow throughout all the chaos you ended up in each other’s laps, bodies slotting together as if they were simply meant for one another, a thought that crosses the both of your minds simultaneously, heat flooding your face at the realization whilst Mammon buries himself further within you with a soft nuzzle, willing himself to blink back tears, feeling overwhelmed and fuzzy at the feelings bubbling up and swirling within him.

Pausing your onslaught of soft kisses and rubs to his back, you bring your face to rest against the snowy tuft of fluffy hair resting in the crook of your neck, words coming out in a tender breath, as natural as life itself, “I love you too, Mammon.”

A press of your lips to the side of his head as his breath catches in his throat at your admission, closing your eyes and surrounding yourself with his scent, with _him_ , as you add, “you big dummy…” an easy smile spreading over your face, turning giddy as you hear him sputter and come out of hiding from your neck.

“ _Hey!_ Who ya callin’ a _dummy_ , huh?! Right after I poured out all my heart an’ soul to ya?! You’ve got the _gall_ to call the Great Mammon a _dummy?!_ ”

“Mhm,” you muse out, as if it was the clearest thing in the world, pursing your lips and nodding your head in comical effect, _anything_ to make him smile, to keep those azure eyes full of light and mirth, “I’ve been making it real obvious this whole time that I’m in love with you. Ever since I saw you you’ve had a special place in my heart. ‘S not my fault you never caught on.” 

You give him a dramatic shrug to further hone in on your point, smiling at the pink in his cheeks, breathing out a sigh of relief when you note the looseness of his shoulders, so grateful that they’re no longer tense and rigid from distress as before.

His eyes sparkle under the twinkling beams of the fairy lights strung up around your room, casting an ethereal glow upon him as your eyes meet, and you’re spared only one look before Mammon closes the distance, connecting his lips with yours in a sweet kiss.

Breathing out a soft laugh against his lips because _finally_ this moment had come, your hands move to thread in those white locks, his own coming to cup your cheeks as he presses further into your warmth, parting his lips to lick shyly at the seam of your own, tongue pressing against yours, heated and slow.

With every kiss, every embrace, you feel yourself slowly sink deeper into him, leaning into his warmth as he fervently seeks out your own. It feels as though he wanted to touch every part of you at once, hands smoothing down your every inch as he _whined_ into the kiss, keening as soon as you separate yourself from him for much-needed breath.

"Been... wantin' to do that for a real long time. Kept daydreamin' about it at every moment, ya know..." He trails off, bashful and sweet, "Lucifer even whacked me a couple a' times just 'cause I was so distracted." His laugh fills up the room, smile bright as his eyes shut close, nose scrunched, lids opening just to be met with the sight of your adoring gaze, full of so much emotion it made him weak.

He slowly brings his hands to curl around your waist, noses brushing, expression soft and tender, his warmth seeping through your layers of clothing and bringing you a comfort that spreads through every inch of you. You’ve never seen him so shy, bashful and nervous, vulnerable.

“My precious boy, my sweet boy… I’ve always loved you and I always will. You know you’re so special to me, right? Everything about you,” a kiss to his temple, then to his cheek, “is so wonderful and I-I… I never ever want you to feel like you did today. Like you’re disposable or scummy, or not deserving of any goodness, because it’s simply not true. It makes me so mad because it’s not true, Mammon. And I know how easy it gets to fall into it, to believe it, but... you're never alone. I want you to know that I'll always be there, when it's bad and when it's good. I love you so much... y-you deserve to be _so_ happy.”

He kisses the softness of your palm, holding it in his roughened hands like something precious, because to him it _is_. You're his treasure, his gold. You meant _everything_ to him, showed him how to live, how to love. And he's tired of running away from the one thing in the entirety of his centuries of existence that has brought him true happiness.

"Thank you. For everythin' angel," he begins, voice soft and unsteady, crystalline eyes looking away in bashfulness for a quick moment before he shuts them and gulps, refocusing and willing himself to open them, to peer at you gently, "For protectin' me and always knowin' just what to do to make me feel better... for always makin' time for me and for lovin' me. Even when I was real... difficult." He looks away in shame, "Especially then."

"I... want ya to know that you're everythin' to me. Before you, it was like I was... stuck in this darkness, that was neverendin'. It was- so much pain. You are the sun that chased that darkness away. I think... I think I've loved you ever since I saw ya. You mean so much to me, when I'm with ya it's like I'm home. A-And I think I was so... _scared_ because I never knew what that felt like. And I'm so grateful to ya for showin' me that, for never givin' up on me. You're so special to me."

His hands part from yours to reach towards your face, thumbs brushing stray tears away, ones you didn't even notice yourself shedding, only realizing the glossiness in your gaze as your eyes meet with his. 

Your body feels alight, thrumming with a powerful energy that courses within every heartbeat, so full of love for him. You can't help the giddy smile from spreading across your face as you regard him, taking in the ease of his demeanor, the openness of his expression and the lack of the mask he forces himself to wear everyday. If you can help him in any way to feel safe and sound, _free_ and protected from any pain, you'd do anything for it - and you _know_ he'd do the same for you.

Overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions, you find yourself too flustered to speak, instead opting to rush forwards, wrapping him in your arms and pressing him close to you, burrowing deeper into his warmth as he brings his body to tangle with yours, under the twinkling lights of the little stars in your room, with the ceaseless pattering of the rain against your window, he breathes into you and you cover him with soft, sweet kisses, lips loving on whatever you can reach - his hair, his cheeks, his brows, the thundering pulse of his neck, his temples and eyelids, the gentle curve of his lips - neverending.

And Mammon finally feels _safe_ , never thinking that he could ever feel this way, never thinking that he _deserved_ to feel this way, that it was allowed for him to. But right here, right now, you feel like _home_. Surrounded by your warmth, by your touch and your lips and your aura, by the softness you provide him with instead of the violent harshness he's used to... he feels safe, finally and infinitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm genuinely so -_- and >~< that i havent updated this fic since NOVEMBER. appalling...
> 
> thank you so much for your support on this fic, it means so much to me and makes me feel warm and loved. i love you! your kind words really do keep me going and i appreciate it so much more than i can truly could ever describe <3
> 
> i can't believe it's done! this was the first fic i ever published on ao3 and honestly... writing this fic brought me so much comfort i swear. even though i was considering ending it with some smut, i really just wanted to end it on a warm and soft note because i felt as though it fit much better, and i wanted reader to give mammon proper and wholesome comfort with lots of fluff !! i rlly would like to cuddle this man... would like just a crumb of his time !!! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading my work !!! comments and kudos are always appreciated MWAH :*
> 
> [ ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/mochiiface) ☆ my [commissions](http://ko-fi.com/mochiiface/commissions) are open ([rules](https://ko-fi.com/post/COMMISSION-INFORMATION-R6R72EFRU) for that can be found here) and i would love 2 write u a lil somethin :3


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